During a recent conversation with a friend, the exchange moved from weather to classified information about themselves, and the friend requested secrecy. Thinking narrowly from personal perspective, I gave the rehearsed assurance of, "Oh, I don't talk about people." In return came the disappointed sigh expressing the unsaid, "Yeah, more empty assurance." The conversation ended well enough, and we both moved on to squeak out projects with the little light remaining in the day. But I was bothered.
Gossip is not new. For thousands of years knowing the whereabouts, what-abouts, and why-abouts of others was crucial to survival of the tribe. All "news" was filtered through elders with the experience in determining the difference between defamation and information. Constant purging of both the messages and messengers assured reliable and useful informants and reports, maintaining health and overall wellness to the tribe. Hygiene, in all its forms, is always worthwhile.
Gossip, hearsay, or small talk, usually falls somewhere between "harmless" and "malicious,". Loosely, cognitive psychology would consider gossip a negative affect - a personality variable (I called it a symptom) stemming from negative thoughts of self-hatred, jealousy, and fear.
In my life I do not allow gossip, not in my head, not out of my mouth, not with my partner, not on my property. But I have struggled with the implementation of the no gossip rule because, while I do normally say, "I do not wanna hear this or that is none of my business;" I'm fallible. I am inconsistent in walking away when confronted with small talk, and lack practice in steering conversation toward the what rather than the who. After contemplating the recent conversation with my friend, I realized that everyone has been a victim of hearsay, and all of us lack skills in deferring and avoiding talking about things that are none of our business.
As the day wore on, I knew I needed a second chance - another go at responding to my friend with the eloquence and finesse indicative of respect and self-awareness. I hemmed and hawed on a reply and by evening had - by all intents and purposes - an effective alternate. I opened my computer phone program and typed up my message:
Hi! I realized yesterday that I had given a disrespectful response to your request for secrecy. So, I am retracting that knee-jerk reply of "Oh, I don't talk about people;" with: Given my philosophy of life and my understanding of self, I have never found gossip to be useful or beneficial.
I pressed send. My way of life is simple, but it's not always easy.
Namaste and silence Karen
