Lying, the practice of deception, always occurs first in the liar. And, for lying to occur, two entities must be involved: a liar and the lied to. I have been both. But here's the irony, they are one in the same.
Most people, when reading this question, automatically assume two separate people are involved in a lie. But lying always first occurs in the mind through expectation. Expectations are lies - a set of unattainable standards placed on a situation or person without their knowledge or consent. Setting an expectation is lying to the self.
I only understood lying superficially well into my twenties. Somewhere in my thirties, I suspected me as the liar dujour. But only in my forties did I put myself in a situation that forced me to confront, I can never be lied to without first lying to myself and never without my permission.
The cost is an estrangement from self - severing the only tie to knowledge, peace, and contentment - a price so extensive, to partake is to die.
To say I no longer lie is a lie - a trap set by me for me. I am not so innocent as to believe this form above the idiosyncratic symptoms befalling all humans. Instead, I keep watch and take note. Keep silent and speak only when necessary. Failure is inevitable, but only through effort. I keep the vigil nonetheless, because I'd be lying otherwise.
