Help. Two types of help exist; #1 - The blind solicitation for commisseration of victim mentality. #2 - An earnest solicitation for an effort-laden solution to a true predicament.
The blind solicitation for commisseration of victim mentality look something like: "Man, I am in the middle of a shit storm." Underlying this statement is:
Please tell me that I am not at fault for my current circumstances. Please confer with my miserable feelings, so I can continue to feel as I have always felt. Please tell me that my continued thought patterns of hate, jealousy, and envy of others will contribute to their downful and my happiness.
An earnest solicitation for an effort-laden solution to a true predicament looks like: "I need three steps I can take to quit hating people." Underlying this statement is:
I am responsible for my life and every single choice and I have made has brought me to this current place. Only I can change my life and I am willing to put forth any effort required in order to bring about that change.
I hate asking for help. I was brought up with the patriarchal, capitalistic, institutionalized and heavily marketed autonomy and self reliance diatribe. Do not come to us for help. You are out at 18. Good luck. Loyalty and interdependence were luxuries, given and bestowed on the priviledged, the worthy...of which you are not. So, I never ask for help.
My parents tired of us - in truth - as toddlers. We were farmed out often to others care - not to be confused with extracurricular activities or daycare - just someone who would be willing to take us for days, then weeks, then months and years at a time. Eventually, by the time we were in our teens, we were all (except the three babies) permanently farmed out to other families to start and finish high school and get on with our lives - all with the underlying message please do not return, and do not ask us for help.
I am naturally an optimist. I cannot be oppressed. Negative ideas simply do not occur to me. I did not internalize this as a child, but perspective is everything because perspective shapes attitude. And attitude is the only thing within our control. So, I only need to change my attitude if I feel the need for help.
Since perspective is everything, everyone's world exists in their mind. Most often, people step out into the real world and fine a stark opposition to the terribleness that they have been feeding themselves through television, radio, phones, tablets, pick your gossip-tech. The illusion and the reality juxtapose and create yet another layer of suffering, until eventually they are drowning in a insufferable world of their own creation. Then, they seek help.
But help always falls short, because help is assistance not correctness. It aids not rights. Successful help is the result of self awareness, the recognition that attitude is the product of perspective - without which all help is useless.
Today, I moved the 6x12x10 foot Torii gate beams into place for securing. I'd been shuffling them around all morning when Howard showed up to lend a hand. I didn't ask...but I certainly appreciated the help.
