38 days have passed since my last post...in practice. In theory I have posted everyday. Not one day, not one hour passes without words written in my head. How then, can this be failure to post?
Over this summer I find my general drive waning. The highs of building a house, the twelve hour days of intense physical labor, scratches, bruises, cuts, dopamine levels out-peaking each other everyday. Gone. No need now. The house is finished. The kitchen will get some upgrades, but the shelving and counters function for now...they seem quite content, so why should I be otherwise.
I study the brain, its anatomy, its function, like a neurologist - reading white papers, researching, writing, listening to lectures, taking copious notes and testing myself. I understand dopamine like I understand myself - elusively, from a distance, with unquenchable desire to know. Why is my drive waning? What happened to the unending supply of energy? It seems to be there but encased in a glass jar, on the table, totallyenergy within reach, but completely untouched. Seriously.
Dopamine is a motivator - not a pleasure chemical as once thought. Today I start 45 days of daily posts. A hurdle, an obstacle I created to give my life meaning - to induce dopamine. I do these things - like fasting for X amount of days or saying mantras all day long. Useless to some - most probably. Meaningful to me. Dopamine for me. I need intensity.
Dr. Anna Lembke said she needed intensity in her human connections. I ditto that claim. I need intimate, self-disclosing, and intense conversation. Casual interactions only reaffirm fear. Not interested. Enter the blog.
So, I will start here with self disclosure listed in the above paragraphs - more will unfold as the days go. I have only ever connected to those willing to self-efface, and I see now the reasons. I have avoided my failures and storied past because I thought I could somehow become Buddha by spiritual bypass. I see now, that I only connect to those with failures, experiences, a life lived - "Oh," I say, "I did/said/felt/thought that too." And others will only connect to me through the same. Are you relatable Karen? That is not for me to decide, exactly like reputation, relatability is an opinion foisted upon me to remind me of my responsibility to self of relating to me.
How do I end this post? I don't. Its message carries continuously with a dangling carrot of insight just at the horizon between yesterday and tomorrow. For now, my daily mantra awaits, "make a fool of yourself everyday."
On the Fool's journey,
Karen
DIO
Philosopher, Author, Artist, and no thing in particular. Beyond description. Completely unknown, yet totally familiar. Knows no thing and re-members every thing...same as you.
Sep 8, 2024
Make a fool of yourself everyday
38 days have passed since my last post...in practice. In theory I have posted everyday. Not one day, not one hour passes without words written in my head. How then, can this be failure to post?
Over this summer I find my general drive waning. The highs of building a house, the twelve hour days of intense physical labor, scratches, bruises, cuts, dopamine levels out-peaking each other everyday. Gone. No need now. The house is finished. The kitchen will get some upgrades, but the shelving and counters function for now...they seem quite content, so why should I be otherwise.
I study the brain, its anatomy, its function, like a neurologist - reading white papers, researching, writing, listening to lectures, taking copious notes and testing myself. I understand dopamine like I understand myself - elusively, from a distance, with unquenchable desire to know. Why is my drive waning? What happened to the unending supply of energy? It seems to be there but encased in a glass jar, on the table, totallyenergy within reach, but completely untouched. Seriously.
Dopamine is a motivator - not a pleasure chemical as once thought. Today I start 45 days of daily posts. A hurdle, an obstacle I created to give my life meaning - to induce dopamine. I do these things - like fasting for X amount of days or saying mantras all day long. Useless to some - most probably. Meaningful to me. Dopamine for me. I need intensity.
Dr. Anna Lembke said she needed intensity in her human connections. I ditto that claim. I need intimate, self-disclosing, and intense conversation. Casual interactions only reaffirm fear. Not interested. Enter the blog.
So, I will start here with self disclosure listed in the above paragraphs - more will unfold as the days go. I have only ever connected to those willing to self-efface, and I see now the reasons. I have avoided my failures and storied past because I thought I could somehow become Buddha by spiritual bypass. I see now, that I only connect to those with failures, experiences, a life lived - "Oh," I say, "I did/said/felt/thought that too." And others will only connect to me through the same. Are you relatable Karen? That is not for me to decide, exactly like reputation, relatability is an opinion foisted upon me to remind me of my responsibility to self of relating to me.
How do I end this post? I don't. Its message carries continuously with a dangling carrot of insight just at the horizon between yesterday and tomorrow. For now, my daily mantra awaits, "make a fool of yourself everyday."
On the Fool's journey,
Karen
To Eliminate A King
Pure power materializes when intention parallels speech and action. Any disjunction between the three creates confusion, chaos, and destru...
